My daughter is 1 year old and I love our relationship so this just really scared me and was heavy on my heart that morning. Life couldn't be paused, she was/is growing and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
But in the midst of it I could tell that it probably wasn't a Godly emotion or one based in truth and I needed the Lord to renew my mind and refresh my heart so I wouldn't be so weighed down.
I went to proverbs to continue my study of motherhood/parenting and picked up where I had left off the day before.
"My son, if your heart is wise,my heart too will be glad. My inmost being will exultwhen your lips speak what is right. Let not your heart envy sinners,but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. Surely there is a future,and your hope will not be cut off. Hear, my son, and be wise,and direct your heart in the way. Be not among drunkardsor among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty,and slumber will clothe them with rags. Listen to your father who gave you life,and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy truth, and do not sell it;buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice;he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and mother be glad;let her who bore you rejoice. My son, give me your heart,and let your eyes observe my ways. For a prostitute is a deep pit;an adulteress is a narrow well. She lies in wait like a robberand increases the traitors among mankind." -Proverbs 23:15-28
I heard Jesus speak to me "what is he praying for here?"
As I read it again it dawned on me, the author wasn't praying for his son to never grow and stay a small dependent child forever. He was praying for his son to walk in godliness, in wisdom, in the paths of righteousness and of life. He was exhorting him to listen to the council of his parents and treat them with gentleness and honor. He was warning against sinfulness.
And the Holy Spirit revealed to my heart through this passage that there is a GLORY in a child growing, and that glory is that the child grows into an adult who can choose to love the Lord, who can choose to walk in God's ways and bring the Lord honor and glory.The glory of my daughter growing is that she is growing into a woman who will no longer depend on our relationship but will depend on Him and Him alone.
He breathed life to me that morning through his word, and I still feel encouraged by it. I hope you find encouragement in this truth in your own beautiful heart as well whether you have children or not.
Being a mother is amazing, but it isn't for the purpose of having a child to myself - but partnering with the Lord in birthing and growing someone who will one day completely be released from my care. (Though never from my heart!)
My daughter was never mine, she was and always will be His.
One day she will be an adult and we will sit side by side and share together as sisters in Christ and I know in that moment I will be more proud than ever - hearing her what He is speaking to her and revealing to her beautiful heart. Hearing her share out of her own relationship with her heavenly Father and lover of her soul.
And that will be absolutely glorious.
